My Season of Firsts: The Grief Journey So Far

It is hard to believe that it has been seven months since Maestro crossed Rainbow Bridge. I decided that it would be cathartic to reflect upon my grief journey so far.

The First Summer: Keep Moving and Don't Think

Maestro and I usually packed in numerous day trips in the summertime. We did everything from attending outdoor concerts to cloud gazing in the park. He enjoyed trips to downtown Calgary just as much as jaunts to Turner Valley and Black Diamond.

Maestro does Waterton Park. Photo: R-M Arca.

I didn't feel ready to tackle any of those activities without my furkid, and with teaching and the concert season winding down for the summer, I had more pressing things to attend to. Enter special events.

I got a part-time casual job as Events Staff for a security company. All of the events were outdoor musical events and festivals. It seemed like a natural progression for a musician/usher/samurai-in-training. 

It was also the perfect way for me to get out and have new adventures. Show up at the event, get briefed, and hit the ground running. Keep moving and don't think: #AchievementUnlocked .

Our dojo had its annual summer seminars, which also kept me busy. Swinging swords for days on end was active meditation at its best. It's amazing what active meditation does for one's heart and soul.

The First Fall: What Would Maestro Do?

The fall was incredibly busy. The events job wound down for the summer. However, I started a new part-time job in a school, so I am juggling two jobs plus teaching. The shock to my system was sorely needed. I had grown complacent in my routines. Now, I am forced to manage my time more effectively (but that's another series of posts). I think I'm just starting to get the hang of a routine that doesn't centre around Maestro's appointments, medication, and sleeping schedule. 

R2-D2, Maestro's minion, has been helping out by greeting the studio families. He also chirps happily when someone plays well and swears when someone doesn't. Sounds suspiciously like some furball I know.

Maestro and R2-D2 were a unit when it came to waiting for students or demanding treats. Photo: R-M Arca.

This year, I welcomed two new piano students, one from a current studio family and one from a studio family from a few years ago. I was actually relieved to not go through the audition-interview process alone with a brand new family.

It hadn't really sunk in until that point just how much I relied on Maestro when interviewing prospective studio families. Looking back, I can tell you that I watched Maestro's eyes, ears, tail, and behaviour for cues. If he was comfortable with the family, then I knew that they would be a good fit for our studio.

"What would Maestro do?" has cropped up in lessons this year, along with "Would Maestro clear you on that arpeggio? I don't think he would, so I can't possibly clear you on it yet."

Sometimes, students and studio parents tap the percussion tree or one of Maestro's instruments for old time's sake. We share a wistful smile or a chuckle, recalling how Maestro would come stomping into the studio to say, "Hey! That's mine!" 

One piano mom found it hard to come inside the studio for the first time after Maestro passed away. She teared up as she looked around at the various Maestro mementos and his pawprints. Maestro has clearly left his mark on his studio.

Maestro and his many instruments. Photo: R-M Arca.

The First Holidays: Have a Good Cry and Move On

Driving to my parents' for Thanksgiving was hard. At first, I was congratulating myself for not turning into a blubbering mess. Then, my CD player randomly switched to Dancing Queen. I started to belt out the lyrics, just as Maestro and I would on our car rides. That's when I lost it.

My family saw the tears, nodded, gave me a hug, and then we carried on with the weekend.

Even Halloween was teary. Maestro would get all decked out for our Halloween Piano Parties. He also looked forward to my dojo's pumpkin tameshigiri class in October. He was the primary beneficiary of pureed pumpkin, enthusiastically so. I automatically started to pack many pumpkins into my bags and containers after training, but then tearfully realized that I no longer need that much.

Batdog and Batgirl prepare for the Halloween Piano Party. Photo: C. Kohl.

Fast forward to Christmas. Part of me was dreading Christmas this year. Maestro loved Christmas so much. He got impatient because I could never put up the tree fast enough for his liking. Then, he would park himself in front of the tree to guard it, along with any presents that appeared. Ditto for the studio Christmas tree shown below:

Gimme presents. Now. Photo: R-M Arca.

In fact, I was contemplating whether to decorate at all, knowing that it would hurt so much. I decided to decorate in the end as I figured that if I delay any of these firsts, it would only be harder next year. Besides, I could just picture Maestro standing on a heavenly cloud, barking angrily at me at the mere thought of not putting up his Christmas tree.

Dad was over when I put the tree up. Through tears, I told Dad what Maestro would do as we decorated. It felt good to get the tree and decorations up. Next year will be easier.

This Christmas, I made photo ornaments of all our furry family members, past and present for the family tree. It was a wonderful trip down memory lane.

The Arca family dogs through the years, as shown on Maestro's tree. Photo: R-M Arca.

Christmas has come and gone. It wasn't as hard as I was expecting it to be. We shared funny stories about all of our furry family members. Mom even gave Angel Maestro a little stuffie to place beside his urn. I also was able to spend quality time with friends I haven't seen in quite a while.

Last week, we got a huge snow dump. I dug a maze in the backyard, for old time's sake. Maestro really liked his mazes:

We've had quite a bit of snow this month. Maestro has a snow maze in the back yard.

Earlier this week, the Lakeland Terrier calendar that I ordered arrived. Maestro makes a posthumous appearance in March with the feature photo for this post. Sale proceeds go towards helping two terrier rescue groups. How apropos that he shares March with another Caliente Lakie.

Honour the Journey

Once, I told a student that with Maestro having played a huge part in my life on a personal as well as professional level, I've had to get to know myself as well as Musespeak all over again, and get used to this new dynamic.

As I adjust to the changes, I'm also dealing with a lot of crap. There are things that got postponed for far too long, as well as years of clutter that I'm dealing with. There's literal crap too. Perhaps I should put a tracker in my Bullet Journal to remind me to put enzymes in Maestro's Waste Manager Disposal System.

The waves of grief come farther apart now. Sometimes, it's like Christmas, where I have a quick cry and move on. Other times, it hits so unexpectedly. It's the little things that do it. There was the dull ache that lead to a dam bursting upon seeing a puppy pulling on his leash. He wanted to make his human cross the street more quickly.

There was the quick stab of emotion when I choked up while trying to sing Dancing Queen. I'll keep trying. One of these days, I'll be able to belt it out with a smile instead of tears.

If there's anything that I've learned, it's to respect the journey. If you feel sad, that's okay. Take the time to let it out. Ride the wave and have a good cry. It shows how much of an impact that person or pet has had on your life. 

The other thing I've learned is to take time. All these little firsts take a lot of energy - physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually.  I was exhausted after putting up the Christmas tree. That was a good reminder to not schedule anything other than rest after going through a big first.

More people are starting to ask me whether I'll be getting a new dog soon. My answer: Someday, but not yet. Let me get more crap out of the way, get through a couple more gradings, and maybe squeeze in a trip first. The journey continues.

Lessons I Learned from My Dog

My heart broke on May 11, 2016. That's when I brought Maestro to the vet clinic for what I thought was a urinary tract infection. That's when the vet discovered the lump. "It could be nothing," Dr. Maya said. Then, she paused and looked me in the eye as we both said, "Or it could be something really bad." My heart sunk. We both knew that at Maestro's age, a lump like that is most likely very bad. She prescribed some antibiotics and asked to see Maestro the following week.

One week later, there was some improvement in the pee department, but the lump was more pronounced. Through tears, Dr. Maya recommended a prostate flush and ultrasound to confirm what we both believed to be true: cancer. Maestro, pragmatic as always, simply looked back at me to say, "It's OK, Mom. I know already. Clock is ticking."

Maestro was diagnosed with Transitional Cell Carcinoma. It's an aggressive cancer that is common in spayed and neutered cats and dogs. We could have put Maestro in drug and radiation therapy but really, what responsible pet parent is going to put their furkid - one who has already lived a full and long life, through that kind of pain - with no guarantee at the end? It's far more loving to keep him comfortable and happy until he was ready to go, and trust that Maestro would let me know when he was ready to make that journey.

I broke the news to "our" students as soon as Maestro's diagnosis was fairly certain. When one told me, "Let's make the last bit the best bit," I set out to figure out and fulfill Maestro's Bucket List.

Maestro's Twilight Adventures

Instinct and observation told me that Maestro had up to a month, but more likely mere weeks. If you knew that you had weeks to live, what would you want to do? I figured that Maestro's Bucket List would be similar to anyone else's: do your favourite things, visit your favourite places, eat your favourite foods, and spend quality time with those whom you care for.

Each morning, he'd tell me with his eyes, "Yeah, it's getting harder but I'm going to give it my best today." I'd smile at him through tears and try to muster up the courage to get through the day. Maestro threw himself into each twilight adventure with gusto. He wasn't going to leave until he was ready.

As each item got checked off Maestro's Bucket List, I could sense him fading a little more. My heart broke repeatedly as we walked this bittersweet journey together. He lived minute by minute, moment by moment, while I was trying so hard to burn every second into memory. 

I did it my way and I did good. Credit: R-M Arca.

By the time Maestro had said his good-byes to everyone he loved, enjoyed one last night stargazing, and one last walk around the neighbourhood, he was ready to go. Once he told me, I didn't hesitate. On June 2, after 14 fun and music-filled years, chock full of adventures, Maestro, Musespeak's trusty Studio Assistant and my fur baby, crossed Rainbow Bridge. He went where and when he wanted to. Maestro's vet came to the house to help us send Maestro on his way. It was beautiful, smooth, and peaceful.

Lessons I Learned from My Dog

Today marks the seven-week anniversary of Maestro crossing Rainbow Bridge. As anyone who has grieved for a loved one knows, it's an emotional roller coaster, with grief hitting you in waves.

I've had some time to reflect upon what I have learned from my sidekick and furkid. If one could put Maestro's life philosophies into words, I'd say they are:

Work hard. Play harder.

Maestro, like many Lakeland Terriers, loved the water. (Credit: R-M Arca).

Maestro took his job as Musespeak's Studio Assistant very seriously. It only took him two weeks to memorize a new teaching schedule for the year. He scolded students and me alike if we didn't stick to the schedule.

But when it was playtime, he played even harder. The intensity was sometimes frightening, especially when it came to water, his Awful Mad Kitty, and his hole punch.

Tell it like it is.

If someone's scales were subpar, Maestro would tell you. Why beat around the bush?

At last month's year-end party, my students all shared stories of Maestro walking out of their lessons when he wasn't pleased, or breaking out into song when he was pleased with how they played. Once, he scolded a student while she played a Mozart sonata. Through laughter, I asked her to tell me why Maestro was upset with her playthrough. She knew. I knew. 

Go big or go home.

Whether it was playing the hole punch or singing Happy Birthday, Maestro believed in committing to something fully. "Go big or go home," also applied to his tastes in musical instruments. Maestro preferred the $30 tambourine over a kids' toy. He looked pleased as punch to pose with the $600,000 Steinway piano. We got into an argument at Long & McQuade one day over the $250 tablas.

Never give up!

When Maestro was diagnosed with arthritis and Intervertebral Disc Disease, he didn't let that stop him from working or going on adventures. 

With acupuncture from Dr. Mark at the Bridlewood Veterinary Clinic, laser and aquatherapy from Dr. Catherine at Canine Aquafitness, Maestro was able to keep trucking along for a few more years.

Aquatherapy helped manage Maestro's canine arthritis and Intervertebral Disc Disease.

Live well. Live NOW!

Maestro was a huge supporter of eating well, sleeping well, and getting out there to enjoy life. He loved the Rotation Diet. He preferred fresh foods. He loved carrots.

He also enjoyed living in the moment, as surely all of our furry, feathery, and scaly family members do. That is one lesson that will take many of us years to get.

"What a huge legacy he has," one of my students said one lesson, as we looked around at all the different ways Maestro has left his mark in the studio: his student incentive programs, Maestro's Market, his bed and Maestro's Music Tricks. Like this paw imprint that he did days before his death, Maestro has left his mark in countless ways that will be felt for years to come.

Maestro was so proud of himself when he completed this. Credit: R-M Arca.

Exploring Passive Stretching for Dogs

Before Christmas, Maestro's team at Canine Aquafitness & Veterinary Rehab Centre introduced Maestro and I to passive stretching for dogs to increase Maestro's range of motion. After three weeks, several people have commented on how Maestro is moving more quickly (especially when treats are involved). As Maestro has canine arthritis and Inter-vertebral Disc Disease, passive stretching is necessary so as to not aggravate his achy joints. The main thing about any passive range of motion technique is to support the joint as you are stretching a muscle group.

First, we learned neck stretches. Here is a video of Maestro's first day:

After Christmas, we learned passive stretches for his legs and hips. For this area, it's best for you to watch this video by Dr. Ruth Roberts:

For more information on passive range of motion techniques to help with pet injuries or degenerative diseases in dogs, check out these resources:

• Manual Therapy Techniques for Canine Rehabilitation

• Rehabilitation Therapy

• Canine Aquafitness & Veterinary Rehab Centre

• Passive Stretching for Dogs - Dr. Ruth Roberts

Check out my affiliate links of books available on passive stretching:

We'll post another video soon to show Maestro's progress with these passive dog stretches.

Introducing the Maestro Mobile Dog Stroller

Maestro sucked up to all the ladies at the car dealership, showing off his new wheels. Photo by R-M Arca.

After attending the Heritage Day festivities offered by the City of Calgary this past summer, I caved and ordered Maestro a dog stroller from Amazon. You try carrying an arthritic dog who can only walk a few feet before wanting a break. And when he wants a break, he’ll just park it wherever he stops. He doesn't care if he’s in the way.

Not only that, but he has perfected how to sink his entire weight into your arms. Suddenly, 18 pounds feels so much heavier after walking a few blocks.

"This is fun," says Maestro. Photo by R-M Arca.

He loves his Pet Gear dog stroller. Just like his Halloween costume, he looks so smug when he’s riding his Maestro Mobile.

As for the comments, some people make snide remarks - out loud - about how backwards it is for the human to be pushing a stroller and not walking the dog. I know, I used to be one of those people. But now, after meeting so many pets with injuries or, like Maestro, has canine arthritis and a degenerative disease, I get it.

Sometimes, I get frustrated when I hear the comments. I reach a point where I can’t let it slide. That’s when I pull him out of his stroller and say, “All right, Old Man, are you up for walking a bit?” Then he dutifully waddles in front of the person who made the snide remark.

Suddenly, their tune changes, “Oh! He’s hurt! That’s why he’s in a stroller.”

You know, I think we are quick to jump to conclusions and judge others. We don’t think (or in some cases, don’t care) that what we are saying hurts others. Or, we don’t even try to see something from another perspective.

Reserving judgment, and exercising a little patience and understanding can go a long way. This is what having an elderly pet, and relatives who are getting older has taught me.

Maestro has grown up going out for adventures. Just because he can’t walk as far as he used to, doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want them. Besides, how can you say no to this face?

Watching the sailboats. Photo by R-M Arca.

“Mommy, I want this drum.” Photo by R-M Arca

Maestro watches Registered Piano Technician Michael Lipnicki with showing off piano parts. Photo by R-M Arca.

Where to the the Pet Gear Stroller

Check your local pet store. or online at Amazon:

Pet Gear Stroller on Amazon

Maestro's Dog Arthritis Update & Pet Insurance Musings

Maestro enjoys his water therapy sessions at Canine Aquafitness. Photo by R-M Arca.

Where has the year gone? It’s been so long since I’ve had the time to blog. But we’re back with a little update on Maestro’s treatments for canine arthritis and Inter-vertebral Disc Disease.

Maestro’s condition has certainly stabilized with the combination of acupuncture, water and laser therapy. Take a look at this early video I took of his gait around the time he first started water therapy:

Now, look at this video I took of Maestro a couple of weeks ago after his acupuncture treatment. He was zipping along in his Bat Dog Halloween costume:

There is definitely a noticeable improvement in his arthritic gait, especially in his front.

Maestro has stabilized as far as the water therapy for dogs go. He averages around .30 miles per session. Tolerates the water treadmill and relishes in the swimming portion. He’s also quite vocal if the water temperature is a little too cold.

Now, this would not be possible for me without pet care insurance. There are several companies available in North America, including:

• CAA Pets

• Pet Care (24 Hour Pet Watch)

• Pet Secure

• Trupanion

Like health care insurance for us, the “trick” is to get coverage before your pet is diagnosed with a condition. Pre-existing conditions aren’t covered. Long story short, Maestro can never switch to another company, we can only change plans with the same company at this point.

What I did was take out a small plan for him as a pup and then upgraded as he got older. I switched him to the higher coverage plans before he was diagnosed with dog arthritis and intervertebral disc disease (IVDD).

If you decide to go with Pet Care, please contact me and pass my name as having referred you. One word of advice: even if you see an option to fill out one claim form for ongoing treatments (you know, fill it out once and just submit receipts) - don't use it. You and your vet can save a lot of time and headache by filling out a fresh claim form for each and every appointment. That form was more trouble than it was worth.

Seeing how Maestro is shuffling along at a good pace, remains engaged in daily activities, I’d say that this is a good treatment plan for him. He even asks students and studio parents to give him a massage when they are sitting in the studio waiting area. What a cheeky guy!